Rituals: Talk therapy

It's not forever, but it can help you get over the hump

Have you ever been in therapy?

If yes, then I don’t know what the form is here: Congrats! Cool, me too!?

If not, then well—how’s that working out for you?

I don’t mean that in a snide way, I promise, I’m genuinely in awe.

Because you must have it figured out—either through a great sense of self awareness, discipline, maturity, and earnest personal development and improvement.

Or maybe you just haven’t yet acknowledged or taken that step toward seeking a therapist.

We’ve all got our own shit to work through.

And every two weeks for a while now, I’ve been talking to my therapist.

It won’t be forever, but for now, it helps.

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Since 2021 I’ve been in therapy for different chunks of time, for different phases of life: first for about 3 months, resuming in mid-2023 for 3 months, then taking time off, resuming again late last year.

Before that, it was in 2008 when I was going through marital trouble.

Therapy has helped me validate my feelings, be more compassionate about others and their struggles, communicate better, navigate difficult family members, be more assertive about what I want, stand up for myself and set boundaries, overcome grief, and clarify and ultimately take action on situations that no longer suited me.

Also feeling much better since having the flu last week. Yeesh

Specifically, I’ve also used it to understand the kinds of romantic relationships I sought out and were part of, feelings of lack of self worth, narcissistic abuse, and unhealthy perceptions about the power of money (usually the case when you saw your family struggle with it).

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Why you need a therapist

Sometimes we ask for help, sometimes we never get there.

I’ve tried self care, self help, and self improvement, but those only took me so far.

Friends and family are also biased and may not offer practical objective advice. They may not offer much grace or compassion, either. Then there’s gossip, envy, and them possibly using what you tell them against you later on.

Books and other media like podcasts and YouTube videos help, and I’ve consumed wonderful resources for sure, but the effects are fleeting; you ultimately forget what you read or saw or heard, and it’s hard to monitor your implementation and progress when it comes to mental health.

The self-help and improvement industry is a $40 billion industry for a reason: it thrives on people starting, stopping, starting again, and failing.

I also find that while such tools are useful, what they espouse can often get trivialized down to buzzwords, concepts, or movements that are too universal and not useful on a personal level.

While it’s possible to share the root causes of the problems of many, you still have to overcome and confront your own issues head-on.

And because we’re all adults here, the only person responsible for you is you.

No one’s going to save you or fix you or be better at making excuses than you.

At some point, you have to take accountability for why you are the way you are.

That’s where having your own therapist helps. They hold you accountable in spite of yourself.

I personally believe everyone can benefit from even a little talk therapy at some point in their lives.

As you move through life, your reactions and choices are influenced by your whole experience, from childhood to adulthood.

But if you’re having trouble connecting the dots, comparing yourself to others, projecting your own judgements or worse, allowing others to project onto you then that’s where therapy also helps.

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Because talk therapy is different from other forms of therapy and stress management: meditation, screaming, microdosing, journaling, exercising, socializing/venting with friends and family, and so on.

Talk therapy is sitting across from an unbiased, objective human being not in your family or social circle, with proper medical training to help you work things out, get clarity, and find relief.

How to find a “good” therapist

So what makes a “good” therapist?

This is hard because it’s so subjective to evaluate someone whose job it is to be entirely objective.

But as a general rule, you have to feel completely comfortable with that person, and also feel better, like you’re working toward a goal, after your sessions.

You also have to feel like you aren’t being judged, nor pushed to do anything outside of your comfort zone.

Part of why I enjoy working with my therapist is exactly that: a completely judgment-free zone where I can get clear about my next actions in life.

I’m not pressured to do anything right now, but ultimately I discover what action to take and do it when the time’s right.

How to get back up when life knocks you down

Many services and therapists offer introductory in-person or virtual sessions where you can get to know a therapist before you work together for the long haul.

If you feel like you can be open with that person and have easy rapport, then that’s a good start.

Your health insurance may also cover a portion of therapy.

I found my therapist through a lot of google research, and we do both in-person and virtual meetings.

How to know when to stop therapy

Barring any medically necessary or court-ordered timeframe for therapy, if you’re in control of your treatment timeframe, then you may wonder when you’re ready to stop therapy.

It may simply be when you feel like you’re prepared to go back out in the world, newly equipped with everything you’ve learned, or when you’ve reached an adequate stopping point on a certain issue, goal, or phase.

It can also be when you’re stuck and not making progress, your needs change, or when you’ve run out of things to talk about and find you’re repeating yourself.

Or maybe you just feel like you want a different therapist.

Of course, you’ll want to inform your therapist of your choice; perhaps agree to check back in at a future date or just come to a good, guilt-free stopping point.

No matter the case, I think just starting and trying anything new deserves a lot of self respect, especially if it’s a step toward self improvement.

The real kindness comes from within you.

What about you?

Have you ever been on the fence to try therapy, and if so, why?

Have you had success with therapy? Why or why not?

As a general note, be well and take care of yourself—it’s a tough flu season!

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Until next time,
Shindy
On Instagram + TikTok

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Rituals is a section where on the first Friday of every month, I’ll cover a regular daily, weekly, or monthly personal habit that has become ritual. It may be a lifestyle, wellness, or work practice that has become a valuable and beneficial part of my life. Enjoy!

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