How to get back up when life knocks you down
Ways to overcome setbacks, now and over time
Based on social media, or what you assume about your friend’s or family member’s public lives, everyone’s happy and having the times of their lives!
So who can possibly relate when you get bad news, or when you’re going through a traumatic event?
Ever been:
Given a life-changing medical diagnosis, for yourself or a loved one?
Fired or laid off?
Gaslit, manipulated, or dumped?
Prevented from entering your rightful home?
Financially unstable?
Because I have.
This isn’t a misery pissing contest.
There are people who have experienced far worse than me, and I count my blessings every day for things inside (and even outside) my control.
No, this is about getting back up, surviving through shitty situations, and coming out the other side stronger than before.
When you’re going through the thick of it, it’s fresh and it sucks.
It may feel like the world is collapsing on you, to the point where you can’t breathe.
But trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it requires a mix of time and resolve.
Here’s how I’ve overcome traumatic events, from the initial shock to years later.
Immediate aftermath: Change your surroundings
Each time I’ve been given bad news, I found it most helpful to leave the scene.
So, if I was indoors, then I went outside.
I then took a walk for as long as I needed to clear my head.
When I was let go from a job about a decade ago, I didn’t immediately go home.
I took a sloooow walk around the block.
Sure, I was dazed and even a bit numb, but I needed to walk among the sights and sounds of 14th Street in Union Square, in New York City, to recenter, gather my thoughts, and see and hear something else beyond what was happening to me.
I read about someone who was constantly trolled and criticized online.
His salve was to go outside and observe the comings and goings of people in the street, and realize that nobody knew who he was and none of it mattered at all.
No one in his direct vicinity knew the awful things people were saying about him on the internet — nor did they care.
So, if you can remove yourself from your surroundings and even focus on the bigger picture, then I believe you can lessen the negative power and association tied to what’s happening to you at that very moment.
Within a week: Regroup and reset
The sting of what’s happened sets in and you’re entitled to – as they say nowadays – feel all the feels: The rollercoaster of anger, pain, frustration, sadness; the helplessness of things happening outside your control.
Before you go down dark rabbit holes that will lead to resentment, victimhood, and bitterness, take deep breaths and slow down before making any rash decisions.
Examine and research your options carefully and thoroughly, but with the intent to move forward, not dwelling or looking back.
If you need to look for a new place to live, then get going on reviewing your housing options.
If you need money, then consider and/or action on all opportunities for earning income, from gig work to part-time work to tapping into your network to offer your services. Make a list of potential jobs or places you’d like to work, and apply.
If someone hurt you, then call it out, and avoid falling into the same pattern of abuse. They are likely suffering from serious issues of their own, whether they know it or not.
If you are just off a breakup, then be grateful for the good times and for what that person taught you.
The global probabilities of successful marriages and percentages of single people are in your favour.
Now’s also the time when you can rely on support from loved ones, friends, or relatives.
Notice who shows up, bothers to listen, offers help and consolation, and gives general kindness and compassion.
Make a note to always be grateful for their gestures and thank them not just now, but also years from now.
Most importantly, practice self compassion and focus on things within your control. It’s best not to blame; instead, focus on problem solving.
You can continue working out. You can continue eating healthily. You can continue reading, researching, learning, and planning until you find a new rhythm.
Within weeks: Feel less numb and take action
I recently got a puppy, and he’s dependent on me for food, water, general comfort, and survival – and eventually, becoming a well behaved dog.
I thought, selfishly: “He’s mine, all mine! No one can take him away from me!”
But know that after a traumatic event, you can feel this way about yourself.
No one can take you away from you.
You possess certain skills no one else has. You can make a comeback. You have alternate options to achieve a goal. You can tap into endless sources for revenue, income, friend circles, and relationships. You’ll find a new connection, a new love.
Within months: Pursue happiness and progress
If more time has passed and you feel stuck, then consider therapy with a licensed counselor.
They can likely help with objective advice on how to recover and move forward from a setback.
Acknowledging and opening up about how or why something happened can help you grow from it and decide what to do next, instead of slipping into inertia or worse, cynicism, bitterness, and resentment.
Of course, keep in mind who among your friends and loved ones are still checking in with you.
You may also wish to revisit or even discover activities that make you happy.
Why not travel on your own? Or play a sport you used to enjoy? Pick up an instrument? Read inspirational or helpful books?
Within years: Practice gratitude
In Steve Jobs’ 2005 commencement speech to Stanford University students, he encouraged new grads to “stay hungry, stay foolish.” He also talked about “connecting the dots.”
You may not realize how some experiences now will impact your future, but your food service job now will teach you the social and customer facing skills, stress management, and responsibility you can apply to a highly lucrative sales job in the futrue.
A layoff may be the nudge you need to start a business, and so on.
As Buddhists say, there is merit in suffering, and there is wisdom from it.
Best of all, these experiences will hopefully make you approach life with a bit more humility and gratitude for everything you have and within your control.
***
Until next time,
Shindy
On Instagram + TikTok
***
Did you enjoy this newsletter? Like it by clicking on the heart at the very top or bottom of this post, or share it with you someone you think would find value in it.
