14 thoughts I had while reading Start With Yourself, the hottest new working woman’s bible
Want this life? What are you willing to do to get it?
If you want a life like Emma Grede’s, then you’ll have to be very clear about what you want, and what you’re willing to sacrifice along the way to achieve it.
It sounds simple, but it’s as if people didn’t want a woman telling them that yes, extreme tradeoffs are required to be unapologetically, extraordinarily wealthy and have a glamorous life (if you weren’t born or don’t marry into it).
As the backlash flooded in following her comments about how she doesn’t need nor want to spend more than three full hours with her children on weekends, it became quickly apparent that Emma’s not everyone’s English cup of tea.
Today’s newsletter: My thoughts on Emma Grede’s memoir, why powerful women still make people uncomfortable, and the work/life lessons I agreed with most. Plus: Zeitgeist-y!
The outrage was the tell, wasn’t it?
And of course, because men rarely discuss childrearing in their memoirs (because many of them probably weren’t around lol), it’s sad to me that this became such a flashpoint and focus of all the other wonderful things in her book.
If you don’t want her kind of life and just want to learn some behind the scenes business and leadership stuff, then there’s a little of that for you in there, too.
Every so often, a book arrives from a powerful female role model in the business world to remind, challenge, and encourage us to rethink the status quo, to lift us up where we belong.
To say, “I came from nothing to multi-millionaire status, and you can, too! But here’s what it took…” is my takeaway from Grede’s memoir, “Start With Yourself: A New Vision for Work & Life.”
In 2013, this book was “Lean In,” by then Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg.
I devoured it.
I still have a copy of it in my bookshelf, but after reading Sarah Wynn-Williams’ “Careless People” last year, I kind of and still want to chuck it to the free lending library on the street.
I’m Shindy. I sold my financial content company and now I write this weekly culture, money, and lifestyle Substack. I’m a journalist and bestselling author featured in Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, Business Insider, Bankrate, Cheddar TV, and HuffPost. If you haven’t yet, and would like to join more than 7,200 people on the internet who I call my “shin-siders” then tap this button right hee-ya:
In any case, I want to see more memoirs from powerful women, because it can’t just be that one successful woman’s POV that influences a generation.
That’s on us to continue to support lesser known female voices because make no mistake, this book was unleashed with a strategic PR onslaught that attempted to cement her as the new self-made female mogul of our time, right up there with Spanx’s Sara Blakely.
When I think of other female founders who are really killing it in terms of building major, lasting brands, I think of Ann McFerran, founder of Glamnetic, or Dianna Cohen, founder of Crown Affair, who I’ve personally come across in both business and social circles.
Until recently, you may have never heard of Emma Grede.
But I’d say in the most recent 5 years she’s emerged as the force behind the Kardashian sisters’ retail empire — most notably Kim’s SKIMS, but first Khloe’s Good American denim which launched in 2016.
She’s also been a shark on Shark Tank and hosts her own podcast “Aspire with Emma Grede,” where she interviews prominent female business leaders.
So who is she? This book gives us a glimpse, and here are 14 thoughts I had while reading her memoir.
She worked at Quintessentially, the (now) global luxury lifestyle concierge service.
This, on its own, may mean nothing to you unless you were familiar with what Quintessentially was back in the day: one of the first modern uber-exclusive lifestyle and travel concierges.
When I lived in London, my ex had a friend who worked there; like Emma, also an ambitious and attractive young woman.
Like all cool things that eventually lose their flair (A Small World, anyone?) I had to google to check whether it was still functioning (it is).
But I make this point because I think working here was more formative for Emma’s professional career than most people realize and that she gives credit to.
From my observation it instilled an early foundation of “how the world works.” Read: money and your network.
It was a place that fueled her ambition and gave her access to people who had, wanted, and/or facilitated wealth, status, and perks.
This job laid the bricks for an incredible Rolodex, which I firmly believe is a weapon women must learn how to acquire, sharpen, and wield wisely.
She splits most everything 50/50 with her husband Jens.
She practices transcendental meditation (TM). I mean, I groan about this but I can also be curious because many successful people like Jerry Seinfeld and David Lynch attribute this for their success. I go back and forth about it.
Therapy helped her manage her anger. Okay, hothead Emma! Probably the best advice in the book is for women to learn to control their emotions and anger. I agree!
On weekends, she’s a “max three-hour mum.” Emma has a lot of help to manage her 4 children and professional life. She’s stated publicly she has 2 nannies, a personal trainer, and a chef (and probably an army of housekeepers and cleaners, too).
She doesn’t think her children need or want 8 hours with her on weekends unless they’re on vacation, and vice versa. She’s unapologetic about her boundaries and says it’s the only way “I can love me and them simultaneously.” Everyone is entitled to their own set of tradeoffs and this is what she has chosen to manage herself and her life.“Both/and” not “either/or.” Sometimes people limit themselves and others for no good reason. Guess what, just do both.
You can support both small businesses and big corporations. You can both work and be a devoted mum. Who cares? Do both if that’s what you want.She worked for/with her husband Jens before marrying him. Both/and, am I right?
Yes she worked for Jens and his business partner briefly before they dated and eventually married, but she was already successful, ambitious, and had her own star power before they got together.
Haters and nasty people will say she married her rich boss to get ahead, but given her trajectory she would’ve become a mogul regardless. This isn’t a woman out here styling herself like she did it all on her own. She’s very forthcoming about how everything she has is a result of the partnership and life they’ve built together. Which brings me to…Finding the right life partner. Emma says she and Jens acknowledge each others’ strengths, cheer for each others’ success, and stay in their own lanes at work and in marriage. May that kind of love find everyone!
She quotes both Tupac and former Starbucks chairperson Mellody Hobson, a lot. Of these the most interesting is this one from Tupac: “Just because I’m not your friend, doesn’t make me your enemy. I want everyone to eat, just not at my table.”
You don’t have to be friends with everyone, and you may even cut friends or family out of your life.
But you can still cheer on their success from the sidelines.
And women who are caught up with judgment, comparison, and competition really ought to look inward because this only breeds insecurity and jealousy. Critique is a mirror and honestly life’s too short.“Money can make a lot of things easier, but money is only great at solving money problems.” Emma encourages women to get their financial houses in order and to learn how to budget, save, and invest. Amen! Also she still gets asked for money almost daily and it’s not for just a few hundred bucks here and there, but for $10K at a time.
She’s not a fan of remote work. I agree with Emma that early on in a young person’s career, it’s best to show your face and be present and seen if you want to build work relationships.
But later in life, once you’ve gained experience, titles, and leverage, it’s up to you and it really depends on what industry you’re in.
Obviously certain kinds of work require in-person collaborative work.
But she cites urgency and proximity as necessary to figuring things out; seeing the day-to-day at her first fashion merchandising job was instrumental to her success.
And were she not so involved in it, she may never have met Jens.Her communication style: direct and immediate confrontation. I 100% agree with her on this.
I used to beat around the bush and was a people-pleaser. Therapy, a lot of reading, and self reflection changed this.
Now, I find immediate relief when I speak up about what’s bothering me right away, so I don’t have to carry it for days, weeks, even months.
And I try to say it with compassionate candor, instead of letting “insinuation anxiety” weigh on me.
Emma also says she makes decisions quickly, then adjusts accordingly. People significantly underestimate how powerful of a skill it is to make decisions, fast, when no one else can or will.On retail merchandising: Scarcity is mostly created and manufactured. Let that be a reminder next time you see a limited edition item or limited stock of anything.
And if you want your product to have a unique presentation, it will cost you, e.g., every additional denim fold or crease results in more handling and finishing costs. Most importantly, test your product’s demand first.On Founders’s Syndrome: Don’t take it personally when you realize the company you built can operate just fine without you.
I felt this one. Like, “what do you mean the company born from my blood, sweat, and tears can function just fine without me?” I’ll take it as a compliment that I built it so well I could hand it off easily.
Final thoughts: This is an easy read.
It moves fast and if you’re listening at the same time as reading like I was, then you get a little more personality and hear what it means when Emma says she’s not a posh Brit.
But most Americans can’t decipher this and just assign automatic credibility to any English accent.
It’s a worthy tome for any ambitious woman today trying to juggle the whole work/life balance because as Emma puts it, “work/life balance is a you problem.”
What did you think? As always, I value your feedback and commentary.
📚 I’m reading:
P.S. Happy Memorial Day everyone. Recognizing and remembering all those who serve and served our beautiful country 🇺🇸
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Until next time,
Shindy
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