The $158,000 cost of comparison
This nasty trait can leave you questioning your self-worth and actions. Don't fall for it
I’ve been watching this show on Apple TV+ called Your Friends & Neighbors. It’s nice to see Jon Hamm in a leading role; no doubt he’s an excellent actor and very good at these kinds of “flawed protagonist” characters like Don Draper in Mad Men, but I digress.
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No spoilers here, but the show’s basic premise is that Hamm’s character, Andrew Cooper, gets fired from his hedge fund job.
This suddenly puts him in a cash crunch.
Cooper now has to maintain the expensive lifestyle he’s built up, complete with alimony, houses, cars, private school tuition, and country club membership.
Perhaps more interesting however, is how the show forces wealth and its signifiers down our throats.
The writers pander egregiously to those on the outside looking in, with price breakdowns of watches, handbags, and artwork, so, you know, the poors can get it.🙄
Succession this is not.
Neither in writing quality, nor in characters.
These folks are not yet (and may never be) the old money, legacy generational wealth crowd who live in stealth mode and would be horrified by this new money bunch of aspiring deca-millionaires leveraged up to their eyeballs and one financial calamity away from total ruin.
I can’t help but feel the showrunners also had something to prove here—a deep resentment of these people in real-life, being one?
As someone who has touched similar environs (the Greenwich, Westchester, and Palm Beach crowds), I concur that yes, they can and often do reek of nauseating disillusionment, especially when default conversations are one of two things: 1) real estate values and 2) gleeful nasty gossip, and usually about their own.
But it’s not everyone. And you can choose not to participate.
Whether the writers merely want us to know such people exist or are attempting some bigger class commentary (especially when it delves into the lives of the housekeepers) is where the plot starts to get messy and falls flat.
Critique is a mirror
Or is it that the show’s writers criticize what they so deeply crave?
In the show, Cooper could sell his Maserati Gran Turismo, a powerful V6 542HP starting around $158,000.
But he won’t. To do so would signify a reversal of fortune, and he needs to keep up airs.
With this car he is able to outwardly compare himself to his peers; his dignity depends on it. (Fun fact: Hamm is the voice of Mercedes Benz.)
Meanwhile, his ex-wife Mel (played by Amanda Peet), the primary beneficiary of his life’s work, is kept unaware about his termination, not too dissimilar from what happens in real life.
This life suits many, and people covet it, whether openly or secretly.
I’ll still watch to the end of the first season though.
And it does have wickedly funny moments.
On summer FOMO
Before you make the costly mistake of comparison as summer kicks in, and you’re inundated with your “friends and neighbors” flooding your feeds with picturesque vacations here, there, and everywhere…
If you find yourself yearning, longing, or feeling inadequate, then perhaps be emboldened to take action toward learning or doing something rewarding.
If you’re bored, or constantly judging and comparing yourself to others, then open a book, notebook, or the door to the outside world — not your phone.
You don’t have to compare or criticize. You can just happily be.
Reminder: social media is not an accurate representation of people’s true lives.
It is often curated and rented, rather than real and owned.
If you’re susceptible to FOMO, know this: You’re exactly where you're meant to be.
There will always be another party.
There will be another event.
That city isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
On synchronicity
You may recall I recently went through a 12-week creative process to renew and reawaken my burned out inner artist.
In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron talks about “synchronicity,” and how C.G. Jung describes it as “an intermeshing of events.”
Some call this synchronicity or even serendipity.
Whatever you want to call it, once you ask for it, be prepared to receive it.
As I was reading about “competition,” the same theme appeared in another book I was reading at the same time: Let Them, by Mel Robbins.
(I know there’s this whole controversy about how Robbins didn’t give proper credit to Cassie Phillip’s poem “Just Let Them.” And while I wish she had/would, I feel they’re still two distinct works that deserve their own recognition.)
In The Artist’s Way, Cameron says this about competition:
Jealousy is a stingy emotion. It doesn't allow for the abundance and multiplicity of the universe. Jealousy tells us there's room for only one – one poet, one painter, one whatever you dream of being.
The truth, revealed by action in the direction of our dreams, is that there is room for all of us. But jealousy produces tunnel vision. It narrows our ability to see things in perspective. It strips us of our ability to see other options. The biggest lie that jealousy tells us is that we have no choice, but to be jealous. Perversely, jealousy strips us of our will to act when action holds the key to our freedom.
In Let Them, Robbins says this about comparison and jealousy:
If you’re not careful, comparison can become the reason why you doubt yourself, procrastinate, and continue to stay stuck…you’re capable of achieving the same success, but instead of working to create it, you’re actively arguing against what you want.
[You’ve turned other people into your problem, and they don’t need to be.] No one is taking anything from you. Happiness, success, and money are waiting for you to get serious about creating them. I will say this again: no one else's wins are your losses. That's why you have to change the way you look at other people's success.
What about you?
What are the ways you tune out the noise or keep your eye on the prize?
How do you avoid “shiny object syndrome”?
I’d love to know!
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Until next time,
Shindy
On Instagram + TikTok
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We just finished the final episode last night. I’m not a Hamm fan at all.
Totally agree with them all having to maintain their opulent lifestyles no matter what. Jealousy has never defined us either. We worked for all and started out our marriage in a one bedroom apartment, and we have always been so appreciative. When we met, I was nineteen. We worked three jobs each to pay for our educations, dental school, two Masters programs for me. It’s incomparable, as you know, to have it handed to you.
Loved this post as always!!